Marriage

10-2-09

On Sunday, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got married. The blushing bride, a pseudo celebrity with roles on multiple reality shows. The proud groom, is a popular and talented player on the LA Lakers. There were flowers, music, and gobs of beautiful people all in the audience watching them exchange their vows of undying devotion to one another. Never you mind that they had only known each other for 2 months. Their first married kiss probably invoked tears in people. The problem? The wrong people were crying.

Rewind back just over a year ago. In September, my brother in law, Andy, and his then partner, Scott, had a small and intimate ceremony to finally after twenty plus years of love, actually become legally married in the great state of California. Their toasts to one another were touching and real, and Scotty even got a little teary as their friends and family looked on. Yet their very union of marriage was soon to be on trial.

Why is it important to look at these two situations closely? I think that the people who have so adamantly protested gay marriage should be ashamed of their arguments that a relationship between two people of the same sex cannot be called marriage because it sullies the good name of marriage. Are you kidding me with this?

Not even taking into consideration all of the quickie marriages in Vegas (my understanding is we can’t count those since what happens in Vegas stays there, right?), doesn’t it seem that if you are truly trying to protect the sanctity of marriage, there should have been some kind of protest for the spectacle that infiltrated even standard news channels for a week for the pending nuptials that took place this last week? Is it better to teach our children that as long as you don’t marry someone who has the same equipment downstairs, you can marry ANYONE even if you have known them for all of 10 minutes? Yes, because clearly the committed, loving relationship between Andy and Scott is harmful. Their devotion to one another has only outlasted most Hollywood marriages (and many Hollywood careers). Quick! Don’t let their love taint my kids!!

Look, at least if you are going to say you are pro marriage, go all in, people. Take the example of PETA. I don’t always agree with their tactics, but you have to admire their tenacity. They will stand up for seals being slaughtered or flies being swatted by the president. They want all living creatures safe. But apparently pro marriage folks only want to keep you from having to decide which one of the happy couple gets to be the bride and who gets to be the groom.

Khloe and Lamar may in fact defy the odds. I mean, only about half of all marriages last. So they have a 50/50 shot, right? And not to mention that probably 75 percent of all Hollywood marriages don’t last, so sure, I bet they last forever. Oh, and I know they have only known each other a short time, but true love, right? But yeah, you’re right, at least they are a heterosexual paring, because they will be the only one to stand the test of time.

So congrats, you crazy kids. Let’s just hope that you understand the luxury you have to marry whomever you love (read: lust, like, kinda thought would be a fun couple weeks, need to help you stay in the country, etc) just because you two have opposite reproductive organs. The only thing that can stand in your way is if the license office isn’t open for a couple hours, or maybe catching your fiancé banging one of your bridesmaids before the ceremony. At least the whole state doesn’t get to vote on it.